My left or right sock...its pair is wet, Calvin threw it in spiderwebs and it gotta be washed. 32 stitches on size 8 needles ... Ain't gonna happen much...considering I bought a pair of nice GAP socks for only two bucks yesterday while this one sock cost 4-5 hours, at minimum wage it'd be around 30 bucks, a pair 60 bucks =) hahahahah....

Dang, I'm so bored, but I don't wanna go to bed, it's Christmas!

I had one of my weird vivid dreams or if you will, nightmares, a couple days ago. I was in a double wedding with two people that I know. But the guy I was marrying was actually in love with the other bride, but in real life, they don't even know each other. And I have no idea who the other groom was. So all four of us are standing at the altar, me and my groom are standing in front of the other couple but my groom is holding hands with the other woman. I don't even remember if I got upset. There was a whole lot more, but as you know, I can't remember it. But it seemed so real. Still haven't figured out why I imagined that and what it means. But for sure, I hope it doesn't end up in reality. =) Maybe the saga will continue tonight.....

Once again, I will be going into the new year in my pajamies watching tv or sleeping through it. How sucky is that? It seems that my plans never come into fruition, not even close. For some weird reason, I tend to see the future as something foreign and new and exciting. But when I get there, it's the same old stuff. This year will be no different than the last. Should I not have dreams and plans and not be disappointed? No, that will just not be life. Hopefully stuff will change soon. I'm sort of expecting graduation in June to be a marker between this era and a new different one later. =) Surely, things gotta change!

My hands are so dry, they're bleeding!
Oye, and then you wonder how come Frances doesn't fix it with lotion or whatnot? Well...her brain is on vacation and only the pain from flexing her hands forces her to realize that she neglected them but then ultimately forgets again to do anything about it.

Yesterday was a whole lotta fun! Too bad fun things don't last longer. I wish I had more freedom in being flexible about doing stuff. I hate being the one that people think they have to plan around because I feel bad. I'm 22, yet my social life seems like I just started 8th grade. My mom seems to think that young people who hang out too much or go too far are bad people. She gots a funny notion about this stuff and doesn't realize what a good girl I am. She thinks the moral of Finding Nemo is that kids shouldn't disobey their parents otherwise bad stuff will happen to them. If I wasn't me, I'd have thought that was hilarious, however this opposite belief of what the movie is actually saying is really not helping my cause.
However I suddenly realized that Finding Nemo is so close to home. Not that I'd actually rebel and go touch that boat, but this restrictiveness is really tempting me to go faaar away to grad school. I know for sure that I can't live at home while in grad school. Even now, my mom keeps telling me to study when I come home on the weekends. Seriously, I hardly think anyone would need to tell me to study! I push myself as hard as it is. My studying is for my goals, and she doesn't need to tell me to do it and it only ruins my eagerness to study, b/c it'd be like I was doing it for her or something. arghies....

Overall, I had a terrific day today:

* I'm finally done as a cybernetics major. My counselor better not say I still have classes to finish. =) Worked really hard all these years.

* My PIC 10C professor is so cool; I finished my final at 1:40pm and he had already graded it when I bumped into him at 4pm. And he knows my name!! I got an A! yeah baby!

* Got to see my favorite prof today! Professor Christou is so nice to spend so much time to make sure my letter of rec for the UCLA Stats Department is perfect and all. Gonna go stalk him again at 9am tomorrow!

* Despite some sprinkles, it was terrific weather! Yeah, I love being outside and feeling the wind in my face and hair. =)

* I walked around farmers' market today. Ate a tamale for lunch and got popcorn and some honey for prof christou. Fun stuff.

* Ooh, I got to see Florence today! Haven't seen her in awhile. Congrats on her B.S. this quarter! She even treated me to dinner at the Corner Bakery. Too bad sooooomeone didn't check her cell phone aaaaall day! =)

* That someone who didn't check her phone did ultimately call... so good for her. But she missed out man! =P

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOEY!!
I thought I bombed the last problem! yayayayayya, this has made my daaaaaay!
I loooooove differential equations. =)

YAY!!! my nsf app is compleeeeeete! my last report got sent it 10 minutes ago, now i just gotta wait to see if i get the fellowship or not... that'll be late march...

Two finals down, one to go!

Man...I've become a professional final taker. I couldn't believe how many classes I've taken at UCLA these years until I had to type all of it up for grad school apps.

Anyways, I finished my ordinary diff class last night. Professor Stefan sort of tricked me because I got zero on the last problem and then wasted my time figuring that I did something wrong, when actually it is zero and I was supposed to use that to finish the problem. Pooh! hahah....if I was a professor, I'd do it to my class too, to figure out who actually understands the material.

Then I finished my computational systems bio class this afternoon. All these years I had thought it was a highly difficult class. I don't know if Professor DiStefano knows that we can't handle so much material in such a short amount of time, because even after I finish this final, all I know are pretty much general concepts... If you ask me to compute the Akaike Information Criterion, I wouldn't even know how to start. Anyways, not sure about my grade... I don't care as much since my apps won't include it, though I would really like to graduate with magna. Prob. won't make it, my gpa is off by 0.01 right now. HAHHAHA!

Then advanced programming final on Thursday, not too many worries there. I'm just glad to be finally done with all my cybernetics classes. Yup das right! Cybernetics is FINALLY done! All those years of worries and planning. Did you know that the major has the maximum number of required classes set by the academic senate? They're crazy, but I love being in the major. Who else in this country can say that they got a cybernetics b.s.? =)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

This is making me go nuts....do other people have as much trouble with letters as me?? Is it my fault?
If they are late, it's my fault. Schools and programs will think it's my fault for asking late or something, but I asked over two months ago! I've been reminding through email, but now two aren't done and today was the "preferred" deadline. Now I don't want them to rush anything but to take time to write a good one by the strict deadline which is January 26. What should I do? If they didn't know that the strict deadline was Jan 26, then they really didn't care about this Dec 3 deadline. If they knew, then why didn't they respond and say that it'll take them some more time. And if they don't do this one for NSF, then how do I make sure they'll do my graduate school ones? I know NSF won't even take recommendations after the strict deadline, will grad schools be more forgiving? Once I start worrying, it becomes a chain reaction and I'm gonna lose it.

I don't have guts to confront people in person... but I know that I need to do it, it's my future at stake. Man...this sucks... I think I need to grow up.

Double pointed needles are coming!!! Size 5 and Size 8.

Graduate school deadlines are approaching... I just wish everything was over and done with and I was faced with the lovely decision of which school to pick from the acceptances.
I've been worried about this for four years and it's actually here and I'm actually filling these suckers out. Hadn't done so many apps since high school. but much easier then. I guess what's really bugging me are letters of recommendation. You can't believe how I've thought about them over the years. Every class, I worried about not going to office hours, every job I worried I didn't do enough to merit anyone's time for letters. My list shortened and grew little by little, oscillating every class and every job. But I've actually even gone past the hard job of asking. I've asked... now, do they care enough to actually remember and spend time?

See, I'm still very naive, don't know much about what people actually think sometimes, lucky that I haven't had to face a lot of problems in my life, but I wondering when I'll get hit. Yup, I think I waste a lot of time and effort in worrying about stuff that I shouldn't have worried about. Once I realize that, I go on to worry about newer things that I think should be worried about, but most likely in the end, not worth it either.

My NSF recommendation is due Wednesday. I've emailed reminders to the three that haven't turned it in. I've realized how grateful I am to Prof. Christou, every week he was the one who let me know that he was gonna do it. I didn't have to say a thing and he didn't owe me anything either. This is in contrast to the other three. Well, one of them is okay. He submitted it today, but was that because he expects me to do future stuff for him? Another one totally doesn't care, he ignores all my emails, haven't heard from him in two months, not even sure if he even read my last email. And this annoys me since he owes me. Yes he does. I worked very hard last year without pay in order to accrue this debt of a letter and such, but I guess he just takes my work for granted. And the last one, I feel very bad about. Yes I worked very hard for the past two years, but he doesn't know that, he only knows now that I'm not doing any work. Does he even realize how busy undergraduates can get? It's not like I'm lazy, I will work hard if given specific details and expectations, and he doesn't do that. So I'm once again left to wonder on my own what I should work on and that never gets anything done, because I don't feel like spending too much time on something that no one wants in the first place. So...the only thing to wonder is, are letters a duty or can they be retribution? I have no idea. I feel I should deserve some time from people after all my work. After all, so many people ask profs that don't even recognize them for letters and they still get them done. Why is this happening to me?? Am I just being overly dramatic again? If I am, don't tell me, cuz I'll just worry about that too. hehehehe....man...