So frustrating!

So Calvin sent me two dvds (no cases) in an envelope. He only put 37 cents on it so by the time it got to Berkeley, I got a notice from the post office saying I need to pay 23 cents. I barely have enough time this week to walk to post office. So STRESSED OUT with teaching, homework and a talk this week. Anyways, fine, I had some time today, so I walked to the post office. NOT a short stroll, mind you. It's really far. But I get there, wait in a line where this woman at the window is taking forever!! Like seriously forever... anyways, finally it's my turn and I give that post office employee a quarter, the slip and my ID.

She says, "I can't take that quarter, I need exactly 23 cents."

I go, "It's okay, I don't need the change."

She says, "No, I can't take the quarter. You'll have to get change at the other window [pointing to the group of windows where there's a huuuge crowd of people]"

I was like, "What?"

She says, "You need exactly 23 cents. I'm not a clerk. I can't take that quarter."

I go, "Fine!!"

I go wait in the even looooonger regular lines. I hand that woman a quarter and say, "I need change." Luckily this employee was smart enough to not send me back to the original window I was at. She got my letter and gave me back my precious two cents. Geez! What a hassle!

Darnit Calvie! Put another darn stamp on letters!! The stupid USPS already ruined a nice box of persimmons last year b/c I was too busy to walk to the post office.

I like teaching, I really do! Some of my students are so cute! They say "Hi Frances!" when I bump into them outside of section. The only thing is that since most of them are straight out of high school, they are awfully anal about their grades!! I guess I was just like them when I was a freshman, but wow, look at what a few years in college will do to ya. My students get so upset when they get an 8/10 on a quiz! As a grad student, I'm just happy to pass a class!

Anyhoo, teaching is taking a LOT of my time though. 4 hours of teaching, 4 hours of office hours, 3 hours of lecture, hours and hours preparing, answering emails, writing quizzes, grading quizzes, inputting grades etc.

I think I'm not doing myself a favor when I answer their emails at midnite within 4 minutes! So later if I take half an hour to answer their email, they'll be angry!!! Hehe....

And of course, there will always be students who don't like me and probably never will. Oh wells! Not everyone can appreciate my dorkiness. =) I just sincerely hope I'm doing a decent job. And I'm learning so much stats!! I guess I'm making up for the fact that I never took this class in my life, not in high school, UCLA or Berkeley.

I know I ask this a million times : why am I in grad skool???

My exroomie Kristen completely surprised me on Saturday night when she said she was thinking if dropping out of grad skool to get a real job was better. And I had always thought that she would never think such things. She's so accomplished in the astronomy field... and so into her research... Oye, do all of us grad students think of this at some time or another? I wonder if I would be miserable with a real job.

new time on treadmill

1 mile = 8:00 minutes (7.5 mph uniform)

previous record

1 mile = 8:08 minutes
1 mile = 8:32 minutes

What my exroomie Jasmine got me for my bday:
There goes my productivity!! =)

Darn, I miss the UCLA math building... so much cleaner and prettier than Evans!

another random pic: May 21, 2002 : eeek!! late afternoon organic chem lab, argh!!

ah... i miss my school...

Random pic of the day : June 13, 2003 : Ed and me in the Nelson lab, Ed was the best boss one could ever have, smart, outspoken and always expected good work and common sense, he always had such faith in me, I'm amazed that I passed his high standards, thanks to him, I was given many good opportunities, in a way one reason I am in grad school... Ed's now a med student at UCSD, good for him

One thing I haven't done here in Berkeley is stalking profs. That perhaps is a really good thing; that keeps my attention focused on work. I'm sure I scared my two UCLA profs back then. Thinking back about it, how the heck did I find the courage to do what I did sometimes? At least these two profs find it in their heart to still keep in touch with me after all these years. And I'm kind of scared at how good I got too! Haha...

(If you don't know me, don't get scared! I am NOT a psycho! or maybe I am... or I was... can't ever tell...)

Now that I'm a TA, what I did does scare me though... what if I got students like that? I'm sure I'm not good enough to inspire anyone to do what I had done back then, but what if?? Eeek! Funky... if I wasn't like that, I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing now... seriously how the heck did I end up in statistics grad skool?

A prof made me laugh today.

When I was in my office today, a visitor that I talk a lot with came by and we started talking about eyeglasses. I told her that I could use the restroom without my glasses. (Keep reading, it's not what you're thinking!) Anyhoo, so I was gonna prove it to her, so I went to the restroom without my glasses. When I came out, there was a guy sitting in front of the restroom. It seemed like he recognized me, so I stopped to see if I did know him. I really am quite blind but apparently not blind enough to not properly use the restroom...

Anyhoo, I stopped to talk to him because he was a fellow grad student and I was saying to him that I couldn't really recognize people without my glasses and as soon as I said that, a prof walked by and said in a loud voice "I'M JIM!" Haha, I knew who it was, but he never talked to me much before. I just found that very amusing and that actually was a nice highlight of my day. (I'm actually TAing for his wife this semester so maybe she talks about me to him? And my advisor now was his advisor... I didn't really know if he even knew who I was, because when the new students visited, he thought I was one of them even though I'd been there for a year!)

Yah, people in the dept are pretty cool (except for some exceptions which I don't understand but whatevers!).

happy birthday cynthie !!!

new time on treadmill

1 mile = 8:08 minutes

previous record

1 mile = 8:32 minutes

I'm glad they made a good movie with one of my favorite songs. I love the cure...

Cure - Just Like Heaven Lyrics

"Show me how you do that trick
The one that makes me scream" she said
"The one that makes me laugh" she said
And threw her arms around my neck
"Show me how you do it and I promise you
I promise that I'll run away with you
I'll run away with you"

Spinning on that dizzy edge
I kissed her face and kissed her head
And dreamed of all the different ways I had
To make her glow
"Why are you so far away?" she said
"Why won't you ever know that I'm in love with you?
That I'm in love with you?"

You
Soft and only
You
Lost and lonely
You
Strange as angels
Dancing in the deepest oceans
Twisting in the water
You're just like a dream...

Daylight licked me into shape
I must have been asleep for days
And moving lips to breathe her name
I opened up my eyes
And found myself alone
Alone
Alone above a raging sea
That stole the only girl I loved
And drowned her deep inside of me

You
Soft and only
You
Lost and lonely
You
Just like heaven

thanks to the treadmill across the street and trinh, i'm getting in better shape nowadays, i ran a mile in 8:32 minutes, something which i haven't done since jr. high?? of course treadmill isn't the same as running outside, so hopefully i'll be able to go even faster on the treadmill to make up for it...

the power of thought is amazing:

i was thinking of someone really hard yesterday and bam! that person comes online to talk

unfortunately that person still has forgotten my birthday

for two consecutive years

oh wells

it's okay

i ain't that special

on a more lame note, here's a list of what i got from trader joe's today! =)

- puffins peanut butter corn cereal
- banana blah blah something cereal
- ghiradelli's block of chocolate
- scharffenberger mocha chocolate
- trader joe's organic dark chocolate
- greek yogurt
- hummus

yes, i am a chocoholic and it shows...

I like watching romantic comedies, like Just Like Heaven today, because it gives me hope. And then of course I realized that this was just a movie, not that I believed in all that ghost/spirit stuff, but that love doesn't work like that in real life. Coming from inexperience, that's what I thought I should believe... But I mentioned this to Trinh, and she said no, love in real life does feel like that... Now that's a wonderful thought. I'm happy that Trinh has that kind of love, but I'm not really expecting it anytime soon. So perhaps I'm just sabatoging myself, I'm hoping I haven't hurt two people that I've sort of rejected... and I can't even give a good reason to why I did it. Scared? Picky? Naive? I just don't know, and I guess my way of handling this is to not do anything about it and let the days pass by. The future always looks so great until it actually comes, and I have to do something. I could always hide behind school or work or the excuse I used last time (which I still think is true but having trouble coming to terms with) Anyways, I'm just saying I don't know anything about love, and maybe it's my fault...but I'm sure it's great and all, being it's the topic of the majority of songs, movies and gossip.

I guess it would be just nice to know that somewhere out there someone actually is thinking of you and wondering if you are happy. =)

i don't like hurting anyone and i'm sorry

???? ?? ??? ???? ??????

Just Like Heaven made me cry...

Belated bday partay for moi! Can ya believe how cool and nice these peeps are? The whole gang! Clockwise at 12: Frances, Irma, Harry, Oleg, Charlotte, Brad, Greg, Cathy, Richard and Dave

Click here for more pictures and videos

Dude! I just found out some person found my picture of Evans Hall and used it as evidence of an ugly university building! How the heck did they find my pic?

Link to ugly building forum

why am i in grad skool?

WHY?

WHY??

WHY???

WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHY????

pinch me, i'm still asleep

on evenings such as this, it's hard to tell if i exist

(caspian needs to be changed)

I've seriously got to grow up. I doubt my close friends want to hear me whine about the same pathetic inane topic that I keep insisting on talking about. If you are one of the patient peeps who console me, then you know what it is... So I'm going to do my growing up in grad skool, is that possible? Am I being forced into it? I hope so... though when my exroomie asked me what age I wanted to be again, I immediately said "7".

Now that's a good age: I didn't have any worries; I was queen of punchball; I had the freedom and audacity to chase around the little boys that I crushed on; wooden pencils, crayons and markers made me deliriously happy; and I was a darn cute girlie at 7! =) What sucks is that I never have the foresight of appreciating my current age until it becomes a past age.

At any rate, I have got a lot of learning left to do and I'm not talking about skool. Stupid things keep holding me back. Bippity! Welcome to the real world!

You Are Most Like Carrie! You're quirky, flirty, and every guy's perfect first date. But can the guy in question live up to your romantic ideal? It's tough for you to find the right match - you're more than a little picky. Never fear... You've got a great group of friends and a great closet of clothes, no matter what! Romantic prediction: You'll fall for someone this year... Totally different from any guy you've dated. Which Sex and the City Vixen Are You Most Like? Take This Quiz Right Now! Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

I'm finally 24!!! Sooo old!!

Thank you so much to all of you who remembered! I'm really surprised so many people did! Thaaaaanks! =)

What did I do today?

I seriously was about to do laundry on my birthday, but good thing Jasmine called before I found an available machine. Anyhoo, I went to the mall with her and followed her around while she found stuff to wear for law interviews. She treated me to lunch/dinner (french toast, eggs, bacon! hahha). Then Trinh and her boyfriend Keiji took me to go salsa dancing!! We were in a class for 2 hours and then it was dancing for the rest of the night. My feet HURT! I can't imagine how those women keep at it in such high heels all night. People there are extremely good and they have so much fun with their moves. I sort of only remembered a little bit when I took ballroom dancing at UCLA and I really suck at following the teacher, she moved too fast. Anyways, I danced a lot, but mostly basic moves, some guys who danced with me later that night taught me some new moves, but I think I frustrated one very experienced guy. But yeah, it was a nice experience...

Another interesting thing! I got a text message this afternoon that said "happy birthday frances!" but no name of sender! And I couldn't recognized the 310 number... So I called back and I couldn't recognize the voice and it was hard to hear cuz I was in Jasmine's car, so I just kept chatting hoping I'd recognize who it was. But then she asked me what I was doing, and I said I started teaching this year, and she said "At UCLA?" And I said "No, Berkeley" and she was surprised; she had no idea I was at Berkeley now. So that got me really confused, who doesn't know I've been at Berkeley for over a year now?? That forced me to stop and ask "Sorry! But who is this??" And it was Roya!!!! I can't believe it! I haven't talked to her in so long and she remembered my birthday! Yeah, but it was weird that we haven't kept in touch so long that she had no idea where I was or what I was studying at all, though she remembered something about a math professor! What the heck? Anyhoo, I corrected her and said stats. Hehe...

So anyhoo, THANK YOU to (in no particular order *edit: actually, it's not very random, after awhile, I'm just adding people in chronological order... so now you know who remembered the latest and who forgot! ahhahahah!*):
Calvin, parents, Florence, Tammy, Eugenia, Justin, Trinh, Keiji, Jamie, Brad, Mary, Roya, Roy, Jeff, Julius, Sussi, Angela, Lien, Jasmine, Kristen, Irma, Kathy, Maureen, Ronny, Wilson, Abe, Richard, Lindsay, Dave, Robert, Pat, Linda, Cynthie, Yat

me in yerba buena gardens

Dinner in SF : Trinh and me

Dinner in SF : Jamie's 26th birthday : me, Jamie, Trinh and Keiji

San Francisco - I went to SF and MOMA by myself for 6 hours today

The new students in the stats dept. Click here for pictures from welcome party last Friday.<\a>

I feel so happy, one of my students emailed me:

"I really liked you as my GSI and your teaching style was very energetic and passionate."

Too bad he had to switch out of my section.

Frances the nerdy stats TA

I'm pondering for a bit on how incredible this is: me actually teaching undergrads. I've heard from so many people that even if you teach well, you're not going to have many students like stats afterwards or even go on to take more. I asked my two sections (~100 people) why they were taking stats and the majority (~96%) said that it was a requirement (for psych, med skool, pharm skool, optometry, business, etc) They weren't really there voluntarily. And it just hit me: I was exactly one of those students back then!

I never gave much thought to stats, didn't bother to take AP stats in high school, and always tried to avoid having to take any at UCLA. Why did I even take my first stats class? It was REQUIRED! (Darn requirements! Now I'm stuck as a phd student in stats!) Anyhow, from my first stats course (winter 2002) to now is just a few years and I'm sorta passing on my knowledge (hopefully?) to people who never wanted to take stats in the first place. Maybe one of my future students will be doing what I'm doing now, but that's such a long shot. =)

Anyways, I have no idea how great or sucky I was in my first two sections ever! I didn't tell them that it was my first time! =)
I really did try to get them to talk though. I made them introduce themselves, read questions from the book, and answer them. Man, I still haven't realized the power that I have yet; I'm still just so worried about how I'm doing. My policy now is to never make them do anything that I wouldn't have want done to me as a student, i.e. no stupid icebreakers, no calling on people directly, no making fun of their answers, etc. Though I'm not sure whether making them read questions out loud from the textbook is considered too "high-schoolish", but I thought it best to not be yapping all the time and have them talk sometimes. And I always got a volunteer; they're thinking "someone better just raise their hand and appease the lame GSI or these stupid silences will just continue."

And of course, as a good GSI would do on the very first day: I let them out early. =)